i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
