he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
