I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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