Whod you bang
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
