if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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