Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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