all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
