I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
