Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
