That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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