Pappa wants mamma naked
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
