i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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