Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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