you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
