Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
