I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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