So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
