I got chris browned last night
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
