I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
