His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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