Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
