So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
