I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
