I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
