Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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