What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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