just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
