im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
