That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am spending my child support on dildos
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
