Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
