If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
