Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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