i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
id be glad to
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
