Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
