Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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