whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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