Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
