shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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