I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
