I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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