Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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