Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
