She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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