I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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