Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
