I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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