currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
