Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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