After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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