just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
