He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
