this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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