im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
