Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
