DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
